Do you ever get the feeling that you�re going slightly mad?!
Now I know I�ve always been a little on the bonkers side but at the moment I seriously feel like I�m losing my marbles! I keep shouting at P for no reason, I�m losing my temper over the slightest insignificant thing, and the crying�jeez, I feel like I�ve sprung a leak! Anything is enough to tip me over the edge, last night it was because I tried to get credit on my phone but couldn�t because their system was down � how pathetic is that?!? I don�t even have the excuse that I�m hormonal either!!
I know there�s a lot going on at the moment and that my poor little brain is not coping with it all too well but I seriously do not like who I am or how I�m acting at the moment.
I know its because I feel really unsettled about work (only another 20 working days till I leave) and although I don�t regret the choice I made to leave, I seem to be going through this whole cycle of feelings and emotions about it. Feeling calm and looking forward to leaving to having huge panics that I am crap, can�t do anything and will never get another job ever again to feeling calm and looking forward to it again. From speaking to other people that are leaving, I�m not alone and they are going through the same anxieties but its still turning me into this irrational, hyper-sensitive nutter! Since I started my first Saturday job many moons ago I have been in continuous employment � I left the shoe shop on Friday, started the clothes shop on Saturday, I started here on the Monday, I did my last shift at the clothes shop on the following Saturday � they�ve always over-lapped. And here I am voluntarily making myself unemployed and sending myself out into the great unknown. Eek!
As I said, its not that I�m regretting the decision I made, its just a little scary that�s all. But at the same time its exciting and I have times when I feel so uplifted and unfazed by it! Yesterday we had a meeting with a career transition company, work pay for it all and we get 5 one to one�s where we get to go through interview technigue, CV and cover letter writing, a session on choosing your next career (I remember doing this at school � you answer a billion and one questions and it gives you a big long list of jobs you would be suited to, usually including a mortician and a librarian!) and then you get 4 months support with a research centre that look into the companies that you are applying for, free internet usage, and a counselling line in case you feel depressed at 2 o�clock in the morning! Its comforting to know that there�s someone there that can point me in the right direction at least!
Anyway I know it'll all work out in the end, its just temporary madness (I hope!!)
I guess that�s enough babble from me for now though, time to do some work!