I write following your plea of the 18th September 2001 asking me to come home.
Firstly I would like to say that I am hurt that it has taken this amount of time for you to notice that you miss me. It has been two and a half weeks you know. Besides Maxilicious�s sneeze training is well under way and it would be a shame to disrupt it now. (For those of you that are wondering, I am staying at my parents dog-sitting Max who sneezes at Cosmic everytime she comes over!)
Anyway, to come to my decision about whether to move back home I have compiled a list:
Advantages of being in parental abode:
I get to have stand-up showers every morning
I can watch �The Box� and perv over 5ive and Robert Downey phwoargh in the new Elton John vid all weekend
There is a dishwasher
Proper central heating meaning all the rooms are warm and not just the kitchen and hallway
Shorter walk to the station in the morning
Disadvantages of being at parental abode:
No-one to make comments about TV with.
I too noticed Steve Owen�s hair in Eastenders last night.(what is with that colour?!) Max just looks at me like I�m a rambling idiot (stop sniggering people, I can hear you!)
Tesco shopping.
Hmm�I will agree that �not so super-markets� don�t have the same feel to them if I can�t stand at the counter saying �you get the bread, I�ll get the milk� and �oooh, look a new recipe magazine. That [insert relevant recipe name] looks nice� knowing full well I will NEVER cook any of it.
Getting up at stoopid o�clock to walk Max in arctic temperatures
Having to go straight home to walk Max and not stopping for one* at the pub on the way home with you.
(* interpret �one� as 3 bottles of wine and a cab journey singing Atomic kitten songs)
Dealing with dog poo at 5.45 in the morning
Dealing with fishie smelling dog food at 6.15 in the morning
No inane conversations about absolute drivel
No �does my bum look big, do I look fat?� conversations in the morning
No getting harrassed by white van drivers at 7am in the morning
So all in all I think I should come home to the fishtank. Besides how can I ignore the heartfelt plea of Ms-M?! So Mrs Fish, I will be home on Sunday night where we can choose our sofa�s and line up peanut M&M�s and do headstands!
Kindest regards
Fairy Inglis-Fish
PS. Don�t stop narrating to yourself. That is a good trait, I think you should keep that. For example, what kind of place would we live in if my shouts of �Ow!� were not followed by the object that had just hit me/I had just walked in to etc. ie, �Ow door!) I�m glad to see that I taught you something.